what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
