She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
