I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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