I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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