The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
