You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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