He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
