The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
