Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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