can we get nightvision for the apartment?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
bring money and cleavage
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm getting married
To pizza
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
