i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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