Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
