My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
