FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
