just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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