So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
