last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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