I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
