if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
