so explain again why im purple
no
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
