so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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