I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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