we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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