Swine flu. Run for my life!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
