I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
