those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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