I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
