Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
