i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
