I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
