would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
