sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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