i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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