dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
