i can't believe i had my finger in that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
