Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
