Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
