i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
someone owes me an orgasm
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's get the cat blown out
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
