I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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