so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
