Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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