yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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