I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
