this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
