Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
