Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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