I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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