you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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