just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
