The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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