Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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