last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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