maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
