I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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