Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
