you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence