so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.