The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from