the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.