how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
