ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
